smallhobbit: (Guy)
It occurred to me it might be quite interesting to share the audio books I've been listening to on my journeys to and from work.  I don't listen all the time, if the traffic is flowing I tend to sing along with Classic FM, but in the more tedious hauls (generally on wet term days) I am very grateful for something to occupy my brain.  As ever, I shall be interested in hearing others thoughts and recommendations.  I know some of my flist aren't great audio book fans, so feel free to skip this post.

In approximate listening order:

Georgette Heyer's Venetia, Sylvester and The Convenient Marriage.  I enjoyed these - the plot never went quite as I expected, which was good.  Of course, the fact the narrator was Richard Armitage and I spent a significant amount of time imagining him as the brooding male hero has nothing at all to do with it.

Robin Hood (BBC), audio versions of the first four episodes of series one.  Basically rubbish.  But read by Guy of Gisborne.  No further comment needed.

Cabin Pressure - the first three series.  I listened to a few episodes each week, interspersing them with other books.  As entertaining as ever.

The Night of the Triffids by Simon Clark.  A sequel to John Wyndham's The Day of the Triffids.  Narrated by Bill Mason's (the narrator of The Day) son David, played by Sam Troughton.  I'm not a great sci-fi fan, but I was taken with this - and especially driving home on a dark December evening seemed very appropriate.

Doctor Who: Dead Air read by David Tennant, and Ghosts of India read by David Troughton.  I enjoyed the latter more.  Both featured the Tenth Doctor, but the second also had Donna being awesome.

The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, read by Rupert Graves.  One of those stories which I vaguely knew, but had never read.  This was an abridged version.  I enjoyed listening to it, but am glad it wasn't the full length book.

Hamlet - a BBC Radio 4 production.  With Jamie Parker as Hamlet, Tom Mison as Laertes and Carl Prekopp as Guildenstern.  It was interesting to listen to the play, rather than watch it.  I found I was considering rather more why the characters were acting as they did.

Under the Greenwood Tree by Thomas Hardy.  Unabridged version read by Jamie Parker.  JP's characters were great, the story far too long and wordy.  And bizarrely the breaks between CDs weren't structured, so the CD would end mid-scene and then, because that's what my car CD player does, go straight back to the beginning of the CD, leading to some very strange conversations.

Doctor Who

Nov. 27th, 2013 11:32 pm
smallhobbit: (The Hour team)
I haven't blogged for days, because there didn't seem to be anything particular to say.  And I thought about writing about Dr Who, but everyone else has had their say and I really didn't have much to add and then I decided to throw my threepen'orth in anyway.

I enjoyed The Day of the Doctor while it was on.  Without thinking about it, because as soon as I started to think it made no sense and seemed self-indulgent.  Dr Who to me was running round the playground - pretending to be the Doctor and his companions and having adventures; running round the garden with arms held rigidly forward yelling "exterminate".  It was fun, it wasn't meant to have any deep meaning.  So, I liked the monster, thought Billie Piper did a good job and got excited at seeing Jonjo O'Neill - an excellent Mercutio.

I was disappointed in An Adventure In Space and Time.  Probably an unpopular opinion (again) but I watched for an hour, switched over to watch Person of Interest, which I did enjoy and then iplayered the rest.  I think I compared it unfavourably to The Hour which seemed to convey the period much better.  Things seemed a little laboured and Verity Lambert kept appearing in a similar version of the dress, so that by the end I was practically yelling at her.  Although I think what got to me most was that she didn't normally travel by bus.

And finally The Five(ish) Doctors.  Did anyone else spot David Troughton?

So, sorry Doctor Who fans, but I doubt I shall be watching the Christmas episode.


Aug. 16th, 2011 07:45 pm
smallhobbit: (Master collar)
Title: Solero Fandom: Doctor Who/Sherlock (BBC) Rating: PG - 14 Word count: 600 Notes: With thanks to my beta [ profile] jinxed100  and [ profile] edzel2  whose calendar provided the inspiration Summary: Once more chocolate proves the Master's undoing

Read more... )

smallhobbit: (Master collar)
Title: The Sweet Shop at the End of the Universe
Fandom: Doctor Who/Life on Mars/The Devil's Whore
Rating: PG - 12
Word count: 800
Notes: With thanks to my friends [ profile] jinxed100 and [ profile] phyllisdobbs01  who is at least in part responsible for this fic
Apologies to Douglas Adams for using his title, and the original creators of the characters who would have never anticipated this.
Summary: Pure crack and self indulgent.  Although as you will see, I wasn't the only one to indulge.


The Sweet Shop at the End of the Universe )


smallhobbit: (Sam and Gene and Ray)
Title: Mistaken Identity
Rating: Green Cortina
Word count: 2,250 words
Notes: Written for [ profile] 1973flashfic for the mistaken identity challenge.  With thanks to my beta [ profile] jinxed100 for her usual sterling work and for some of the plot suggestions, and further thanks to [ profile] phyllisdobbs01 for some of the other suggestions.

The plot itself is full of wormholes you could drive a police box through - that is entirely my fault and not theirs.


Mistaken Identity )


smallhobbit: (Sexby the man)
Title: Chocolate
Fandom: Doctor Who/The Devil's Whore
Rating: PG -16 (sexy themes)
Word count: 930
Notes: With thanks to my beta [ profile] jinxed100 who is at least in part responsible for this fic
Summary: The Master meets Edward Sexby, but things do not go entirely as planned


The Master huffed. )


smallhobbit: (best master)
Title: Cat and Mouse (4/4)
Rating: U
Character/Pairing: Simm!Master, Tenth Doctor
Word length: 1,110 in this chapter
Spoilers: None, AU
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and its characters belong to the BBC, not to me
Summary:  Is the Master's plan going to succeed?

Part 3

Suddenly, the running ceased.  The Master could hear one or two complaints from the small earthlings, but they were over-ruled by the leader, with the simple words: “It’s time to go home.”

The Master removed the egg from his pocket and placed it in a container on the console of his TARDIS.  Hastily, he set the co-ordinates for Naranja knowing that as soon as the Doctor had escaped the attentions of the xyzellie bird he would be chasing after him.

All of a sudden there was a loud humming noise, followed by a crack and a tremendous bang as the wiring of the console fused.  The Master’s TARDIS was going nowhere.  And in the container on the console was a very sweet ball of turquoise fluff with green spots – a newly hatched xyzellie bird.  The Master could have wept.

Inevitably, at that moment, he heard knocking on the TARDIS’ door.  He went to let the Doctor in.

“Are you alright?  I heard a loud – oh, isn’t that cute,” the Doctor began to gush.

“Yes I am, but my TARDIS is broken.  No it’s not cute.”  The Master grumpily replied.

 The Doctor almost felt sorry for the Master, who looked so woebegone.  “I’ll help you to get your TARDIS fixed, but we need to get this chick back to its mother and then somehow or other we’ve got to get the bird back to her own planet.  And before you say anything, if you want help with your TARDIS you can help me with the bird.”

The Doctor went to pick up the pretty little chick.  However, the chick appeared to have inherited its mother’s aggressive tendencies and refused to let him.  The Master couldn’t help laughing at the Time Lord trying to catch what looked like a rotating turquoise pompom.  He strode over and scooped up the xyzellie chick which sat quietly in his hands.  The Doctor led the way back to the cave, but stopped outside not wishing to suffer any further injury.  The Master carried the chick into the cave and the Doctor waited for the sound that would indicate the xyzellie bird was attacking him.  It remained silent.  After a few minutes the Master came out of the cave, followed by the xyzellie bird and her three chicks.

“What’s the matter?” the Master asked the Doctor who was looking very confused.

“Why isn’t she attacking you?”

“She likes me.   I think she’ll follow me back to the TARDIS if you want.”

The Doctor nodded his agreement and the procession set off.  The Doctor was in front, followed by the Master, then the mummy bird and finally her three babies in size order.  If the Doctor had dared to look round he would have found it a charming picture, but he had a feeling that he was much safer with the Master between the bird and himself.

They went into the TARDIS and the Master, not knowing what else to do, sat down.  The xyzellie bird immediately leapt into his lap, put her head under her wing and fell asleep.  The chicks settled down on his feet.

The Doctor sighed and proceeding to tether the Master’s TARDIS to his own, before setting the co-ordinates for the xyzellie bird’s home planet.  The journey was uneventful and as soon as they touched down the Doctor opened the TARDIS’ door and the bird and her chicks trotted out, but not before she had managed a final swipe at the Doctor’s calf muscles and drawn blood one last time.

“If we go back to Earth I’ll be able to sort your TARDIS out and then we can each go our own way” said the Doctor.

“Why the Earth?” asked the Master, “There are nicer planets you know”

“I like the Earth,” stated the Doctor firmly.  “Is there anything else?”

“Well, actually there is,” said the Master rather sheepishly.  “You’d better come and see.”

He took the Doctor into his own TARDIS and showed him the full effect of the hatching egg.

“But that’s the Liberty Bell!” exclaimed the Doctor, “and you’ve cracked it!”

The Master, for once, was speechless.

The Doctor wasn’t, “Why have you got the Liberty Bell?  What were you thinking of?”

“I was using it as a tracking mechanism,” the Master was almost blushing. “You see there’s some Gallifreyan metal in it, which meant your TARDIS caused it to resonate.  I have a feeling that someone may notice its absence.”

“Okay, I’ll get it back to them.  Once we’ve done the first repairs to your TARDIS, then you can stay with it whilst it settles in and I’ll take the bell back.” He sighed dramatically.

The Master tried to look appealing, but just succeeding in looking slightly pathetic.

They returned to the Doctor’s TARDIS and the Doctor prepared for the trip back to Earth.  He noticed that the Master was looking very tired and suggested to him that he get some sleep as they would be travelling for a while.  The Master looked about to take him up on the offer when he remembered his dream – he had a horrible feeling that the guards would be back as soon as he fell asleep, not that an evil Time Lord was ever afraid of anything of course!  The Doctor smiled at him, as if he could read his mind, and promised he’d play some soothing music.  The offer was unturndownable and the Master quickly fell asleep.


The repairs to the Master’s TARDIS weren’t as complicated as he had originally feared.  Working together they soon had the primary wiring replaced and it was just a matter of letting the soldering cool down before the secondary wiring was reattached.  The Doctor checked which year the bell had to be returned to (1846), promised to ensure it was back before the Washington birthday celebrations and said he was sure no-one would notice the crack.

The Master, with nothing better to do whilst the soldering cooled, had wandered out into the park and sat on the bench to enjoy the evening sunshine.  From there he had been idly watching the small earthlings enjoy what appeared to be some form of noisy entertainment.  As they started to disperse he noticed the Doctor walking across the park to join him.

“You seem to be limping,” the Master smirked.

The Doctor rubbed his left calf and then his right knee.  “That bird was unbelievably vicious.”

“She seemed to quite like me.”

“Which is very unfair, since you were the one who wanted to steal her eggs and I was only trying to help her.”

The Master was still smirking.

“Anyway,” continued the Doctor, “It’s time to go home.”



smallhobbit: (smiling master)
Title: Cat and Mouse (3/4)
Rating: U
Character/Pairing: Simm!Master, Tenth Doctor
Word length: 1,100 in this chapter
Spoilers: None, AU
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and its characters belong to the BBC, not to me
Summary:  The Master wants to steal the eggs of the xyzellie bird, but the Doctor is determined to stop him.  This chapter is dedicated to the guards.

Part One
Part Two

The Master continued to watch the Brownies playing and as he did so he realised that the leader wasn’t telling the little earthlings to change at random moments, but was waiting until the “cat” had almost caught the “mouse” before calling out, thus deliberately letting the “mouse” escape.

The Doctor was alerted to the presence of his visitor by the sound of cracking branches.  If he hadn’t already guessed who had fallen into the tiger trap, the loud cursing would have told him.  He peered into the hole and was rewarded with the sight of the Master on his hands and knees angrily pulling bits of leaf out of his hair. 

“How nice of you to drop in,” he said to his fellow Time Lord.

The Master glared at him.  “Get me out of here!”

The Doctor leant into the hole and giving the Master his hand helped him to climb out. 

“Well, where is it then?” the Master asked.

The Doctor debated pretending that he didn’t know what he meant, but he felt that the Master was cross enough without being wound up any further.  “She’s not here.  You didn’t think I would make it that easy for you to find her, did you?”

The Master remained silent, not wishing to admit that he had assumed that by finding the Doctor he would automatically find the xyzellie bird.  On further thought he decided that what the Doctor had meant by “she’s not here” was that she wasn’t in the immediate vicinity, but that she would be reasonably close so that he could watch over her.  Spotting a well trodden path he began to sprint towards it, planning on outrunning the Doctor, grabbing the eggs and returning to his own TARDIS before the Doctor could catch him.  After which the destruction of Naranja would be a matter of hours.

The Doctor stood watching him, a bemused look on his face.  Why was it that the Master, who could construct intricate plans of his own, always assumed that everyone else would take the most obvious route?  As he watched the Master running down the path he considered warning him that most of the path was covered with a substance equivalent to what was known on earth as black ice.  In any case, he was too late, the Master had reached the ice and his speed as he slipped had propelled him straight into the air.  He landed with a loud thump and lay motionless.  With a sigh the Doctor went to rescue him again.


The Master had been dreaming that he was lying in a basement handcuffed to a radiator and was being watched over by what appeared to be a Police Sergeant, a relative of Bilbo Baggins and a third guard who seemed to be invisible.  He woke up to find that, in fact, he was lying on a bed in the Doctor’s TARDIS and what he had dreamt was a cold, slightly leaking radiator was a packet of slowly melting frozen peas that had been tied to a nasty bruise on his wrist.

The Master’s first thought had been to leap off the bed and rush off to continue the search for the xyzellie bird.  His second thought was to stay where he was and formulate a plan before rushing off, as so far, he had to admit, he hadn’t been very successful in his quest.  His third thought, and the one which combined the best parts of his two previous thoughts, was to get off the bed, which was rather wet due to the aforementioned melting peas and work on a plan that would enable him to find the eggs.  Time was now of the essence and he calculated that he had less than 24 hours before the eggs hatched and all his bruises, scratches and ruined suits would have been to no avail.

As he was considering his plan of action he had absentmindedly been playing with his laser screwdriver.  He wished that he could use it to force the TARDIS to reveal where the xyzellie bird was.  Then it struck him, whilst he couldn’t use his screwdriver to manipulate the TARDIS in that way, he could use it to tell him where it had been.  Adjusting the settings on the screwdriver he was able to discover that prior to landing on Red4 the Doctor had been to Red2.  At first the Master assumed that this was just a diversionary tactic but then he realised that the Doctor had been telling him the truth when he said the bird wasn’t there – he had left it on Red2 and then continued onto Red4 to mislead anyone following him.

The Master was wondering how he could leave the TARDIS without being noticed when he overheard the Doctor saying “I’ve fed her now and there’s just enough food left to last her until the eggs hatch if I feed her again tonight.”  The Doctor was clearly unaware that the Master knew the xyzellie bird wasn’t on the planet.  Coming out of his room, the Master was pleasantly surprised to see the TARDIS door had been left open.  Clearly the Doctor expected him to continue rushing around Red4 in a fruitless search for the bird. 

Not wishing to disappoint him, the Master left the TARDIS, but with the intention of returning immediately to his own machine.  As soon as he was outside, the TARDIS doors shut and it dematerialised.  Not for the first time that day, the Master called the Doctor all the names he could think of. 


The Doctor landed on Red2 and headed towards the cave where he had left the xyzellie bird.  He approached cautiously not wishing to disturb her if she was sitting on her eggs.  He peered into the cave and was rewarded with the sight of two xyzellie chicks.  Small and fluffy, they were turquoise in colour, like their mother, but with green spots.  Entranced the Doctor went to have a closer look, but he had temporarily forgotten their protective parent.  She had no intention of letting anyone get near either her offspring or her one remaining egg, regardless of how friendly they might seem to be.  She rushed straight at him and began to peck viciously at his shins.

The Doctor began to retreat out of the cage, pursued by the angry bird.  At that moment a slight figure crept into the cave and taking advantage of the fact that the xyzellie bird was distracted, grabbed the final egg, placed it into his pocket and slipped out again.

smallhobbit: (happy master small)

Title: Cat and Mouse (2/4)
Rating: U
Character/Pairing: Simm!Master, Tenth Doctor
Word length: 1,225 in this chapter
Spoilers: None, AU
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and its characters belong to the BBC, not to me
Summary:  In which we learn of the Master’s plan
Part One

Part Two

As the Master watched the brown and yellow earthlings, someone shouted out and those holding hands turned through 90 degrees, so that now instead of north-south corridors, the corridors ran from east to west.  In addition the “cat” which had nearly caught the “mouse” was separated from its prey by determined brown and yellow arms.

The Master was feeling particularly annoyed with the inhabitants of the planet of Naranja.  He had tried to take over their government by fair means (well fairish means – he had poisoned the heir apparent and offered himself as a suitable alternative) but they had chosen a different ruler and, despite his best attempts to brainwash the population, had told him to leave at once.  They had even threatened to kill him if he didn’t leave.   The Master didn’t take kindly to this threat and determined to get his revenge by destroying the planet.

His first thought had been to blast the planet out of existence, but the slight technical problem of not having available a weapon powerful enough to do the job, had forced him to think again.  He needed another method of destroying the annoying planet.  The Master considered and discarded a number of options as either totally impractical (using a giant trebuchet to fire the planet elsewhere) or too easily prevented (setting fire to a mostly aquatic planet).  Then he had a brilliant idea – sonic resonance.  And he remembered seeing a xyzellie bird with bright green tail feathers, a sure sign that she was going to be laying eggs in the next couple of weeks.

So the Master hastily returned to where he had seen the xyzellie bird.  He cautiously approached the mud hole that he knew she inhabited and, when he thought he was close enough to capture her before she could fly away, flung himself at her in a similar way to a rugby player aiming to catch a loose ball.  He landed with a resounding squelch in the mud; the bird was no longer there.

Getting back to his feet, he cursed loudly as he considered the state of his suit.  He tried to remove some of the mud from his face by wiping his hand across it, but only succeeded in smearing it around more effectively.  He cursed again and then described the Doctor with all the suitable words he could think of, which would have embarrassed the Doctor if he hadn’t heard them all before.  It had to be the Doctor who was to blame, no-one else would deliberately move a xyzellie bird when he needed the eggs to destroy a planet.

He stomped his way back to his TARDIS thinking furiously how he could track the Doctor and retrieve the bird.  All at once he had a brilliant idea, quite one of his best.  The Liberty Bell had originally been made in England, before being shipped to Philadelphia.  What the manufacturers hadn’t known was that part of the metal had come from a planet called Gallifrey, introduced by a temporary foreman.  Although the bell had cracked soon after its arrival in Pennsylvania (something to do with a reaction of the metals from two different planets, not that anyone understood this) the metal had been reused when creating the new bell.  If the Master could get hold of the bell it would be the perfect means of tracking the Doctor as waves from his TARDIS would cause the Gallifreyan metal to resonate.

A quick trip back to 1846 and the Master had the Liberty Bell, which he hung above the console.  He constructed a system whereby he could switch the bell on for short periods of time, sufficient to check his progress without, he hoped, the Doctor noticing that he was being followed.  It also meant that he wouldn’t have to constantly listen to the sound of the bell as he travelled.  The system worked perfectly.  At first the bell hummed very quietly, but then gradually the sound got louder and the Master knew he was on the right track.  He was surprised at how quickly he seemed to be gaining on the Doctor and he started to relax.  Next time he checked the Doctor was further away; had he spotted his pursuer?  The Master decided he couldn’t risk losing the Doctor now, so opted to leave the bell working all the time.  He put on ear defenders – he’d had enough sounds in his head to last him all his life times – and concentrated.  The bell was getting louder and louder and then all of a sudden everything went silent. 

The Master checked the dials: Phut nebulae.  Nothing would penetrate the atmosphere of these planets.   He needed to decide which planet the xyzellie bird would be hidden on.  The bird must have laid its eggs by now, which didn’t allow him much time to find them.  Once he had the eggs in his possession they would last for months, but if the bird was sitting on them they would hatch in a matter of days.

Red5 was the smallest of the planets and therefore, the Master reasoned, the most likely one that the Doctor would decide to hide the bird on.  He therefore landed and performing a rapid scan of the planet he spotted what he thought was the bird almost immediately.  He shot out of the door and instantly stepped into something that resembled slightly melted ice cream.  It even tasted a bit like ice cream, the Master reflected, as he lost his balance and fell into the substance.  Although in fact the ice cream was only about three feet deep and the ground underneath was solid he realised that the Doctor would have been unable to find anywhere suitable to leave the xyzellie bird.  He therefore waded back to his TARDIS and got changed for the second time that day.

Having failed in his first attempt the Master decided on a change of plan.   He would make a rapid pass over each of the other planets in the hope that he could spot something from the air.  Since Red5 had been a disaster he first tried Green2 and from there moved onto Green3.  At first inspection both seemed reasonable possibilities but he knew he didn’t have time to explore them thoroughly and therefore moved on in the hope of success elsewhere.  He barely gave Red2 a second glance, it was such a very boring planet, with nothing to recommend it and then he started to reconnoitre Red4.

As he approached the planet’s surface his heart leapt, for there, with no attempt at seclusion, was a very well known police box.  The Doctor was slipping.  The Master almost felt disappointed; he had expected a bit more of a challenge from his old adversary.  On the other hand, this was probably as well as he didn’t have much time left to find the eggs.  Having parked his own machine where his fellow Time Lord wouldn’t see it, he crept up towards the Doctor’s TARDIS, intent on following the Doctor to the xyzellie bird’s hiding place.  Had he been paying more attention he would have been rather careful of the pile of branches that were lying in a neat row beside the TARDIS.  As it was he trod on the branches and promptly fell into what could best be described as a tiger trap.

smallhobbit: (happy master small)

Title: Cat and Mouse (1/4)
Rating: U
Character/Pairing: Simm!Master, Tenth Doctor
Word length: 1,175 in this chapter
Spoilers: None, AU
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and its characters belong to the BBC, not to me
Summary:  The Doctor doesn’t want the Master to have the xyzellie bird
Part One
Thanks to my beta [ profile] jinxed100 and my muse [ profile] phyllisdobbs 


The Master was sitting on a park bench and idly watching a number of small earthlings, who were wearing brown and yellow and appeared to be called Brownie Guides.  They had made a sort of 5x5 square and were holding hands so that there appeared to be corridors running from north to south.  Up and down these corridors a further small earthling termed “a cat” chased after another little earthling “a mouse”.

The Doctor had taken possession of the xyzellie bird.  Many worlds told tales similar to the earth story of the goose that laid golden eggs.  The xyzellie bird didn’t lay golden eggs, but the eggs it did lay, if placed correctly, would set up a sonic resonance capable of destroying a small planet.  The Doctor had reason to believe that the Master had plans for the eggs and he had therefore decided to take the xyzellie bird to a safe haven, where the Master would be unable to find the eggs until after they had hatched, when it would be too late.

The xyzellie bird was turquoise in colour, with a long neck and long legs, a bit like a flamingo.  However unlike the flamingo it had pouches, rather like those of a hamster, in which it would store food.  This ability meant that so long as it started a long journey with full pouches, the xyzellie bird could last for several days without needing to be fed, which would remove at least one problem from the trip the Doctor had planned for it.

The Doctor thought that the xyzellie bird looked a bit like a pelican, which reminded him of a time when he and the Master were in the Academy.  The Master had found an earth rhyme about the pelican:
What a wonderful beast is the pelican
It’s beak holds more than its belly can
It can hold in its beak
Enough food for a week
I wonder how the hell ‘e can

Unfortunately they had both started to laugh in the middle of their lesson and their tutor, who was not amused, had made them write the verse out 200 times in their best Old Gallifreyan script, after which they no longer found it very funny.

The Doctor placed the xyzellie bird in the container he had prepared for it and, ensuring that its legs and neck were safely tucked in, closed the lid.  He then carried the large box into the TARDIS control room and placed it into a small cupboard under the console.  He had to push slightly to get it in, but was reassured that with such a tight fit it would be unlikely to move around should they hit any turbulence.

Moving to the console he set the co-ordinates for a small planet within the Phut nebulae.   The atmosphere of a number of planets in this part of the nebulae was such that any passing vessel would be unable to probe through and see what was on the surface.  The xyzellie bird should therefore have the best chance of hatching its eggs without untimely intervention from the Master.

In consideration of the xyzellie bird the Doctor had set the TARDIS to travel more slowly than usual and after a while he noticed that there were occasional unexplained electrical surges.  At first he ignored them, but then he realised that the surges were occurring more frequently and were of greater intensity.  His journey was being tracked and it looked as though his follower was getting closer.

His first thought was that Jack was trying to find him.  He’d last seen Jack in the back of a small pub in London where he’d been chatting animatedly with a couple of young men.  Feeling excluded by the conversation the Doctor had slipped out of the bar, without anyone noticing him going.  Maybe Jack had got tired of his new friends?

On further reflection, the Doctor decided that if it had been Jack then the increase in electrical measurement would have been constant, whereas this was intermittent, as if someone was checking on his whereabouts periodically.  As far as he knew, there was only one being who would want to do that.  Worried that they would be caught before they reached the planet the Doctor increased the speed of the TARDIS.

There was a sudden sharp peak of electricity and then the TARDIS began to vibrate rapidly.  From the box under the console the Doctor could hear chirps of alarm.  He wanted to reassure the xyzellie bird but didn’t dare move it from its place of safety.  Instead he called out to it, saying they were nearly there and not to worry, everything was under control.  It didn’t sound as if the bird was convinced, as the chirps became louder and more agitated.  To be honest the Doctor couldn’t really blame it, he had enough trouble convincing himself that things were okay, let alone a frightened bird.

Then all of a sudden everything was quiet again.  They had travelled through the outer layer of the atmosphere and were now drifting towards the planet’s surface.  Whoever had been following had lost track of them and there were no more signs of electrical surges.  The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief and prepared to land.

He had chosen this particular planet, known only as Red2, carefully.  One of a number of similar planets, there was nothing in particular to distinguish it.  At the same time it wasn’t the most insignificant and the Doctor reasoned that if the Master was after the xyzellie bird he would assume that the bird was on the least noticeable planet. 

The Doctor left the TARDIS, carrying the box with its precious cargo, and walked across the planet’s surface until he found a small cave.  Bending down he entered the cave and carried the box to the back.  He placed the box on a ledge at the back of the cave and carefully opened the lid.  The xyzellie bird slowly raised its head, looked at the Doctor, who was smiling hopefully at it, leaned forward and pecked his arm.  The Doctor squawked and took a step backwards, but not before the bird had pecked sharply at his knee.

The Doctor decided that the bird was well able to look after itself and hobbled back to the TARDIS to tend to his wounds.  Having cleaned his knee and changed his socks where the blood had dripped onto them, he set the TARDIS co-ordinates for Red4.  Whilst the bird clearly could take care of itself against most predators (and certainly any that inhabited Red2) it would still be vulnerable if attacked by someone who was armed.  By sitting on a different planet the Doctor hoped that not only could he watch out for any unexpected visitors to the region but that he would be able to act as a decoy and if nothing else buy the xyzellie bird some time.  After all a dark blue police box would be much easier to find than a turquoise bird.


smallhobbit: (happy master small)

Easter Cake

“What’s this?” Sam asked Gene, looking at the tin he had just given him.

“It’s an Easter cake.  The Missus makes them every year, one for us, one for ‘er mother and one for a good cause.  You’re this year’s good cause.”

Sam gave a delighted smile, “That’s really thoughtful of her.”

Later that day, Sam phoned Gene’s Missus, “Thank you for the cake, Mrs Hunt, it was very kind of you to think of me.”

“No trouble at all, luv.  Gene asked me to make one as he said he thought you could do with something nice for Easter.”


Easter Egg

The Master was feeling ill.  He was sitting on the floor surrounded by cardboard and silver paper.

“I’ve been poisoned,” he groaned.

The Doctor meanwhile was happily making minor adjustments to the TARDIS’ console and was therefore ignoring his companion’s moaning.  He finally finished what he was doing, triumphantly pressed a switch and watched as all the overhead lights went out.

“Bother,” he said.  “I’ll have another go once I’ve eaten my ...”

At that point he looked at the Master, who had chocolate all round his face.  “Have you eaten my Easter eggs as well as all of yours?”


smallhobbit: (best master)
Title: Never Go To Weston-Super-Mare
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,188
Notes: This began as a drabble from a prompt of [ profile] dorsetgirl.Thanks to [ profile] jinxed100  for the suggestion
Summary: The Doctor and the Master have a day out, but inevitably things do not go to plan.
Disclaimer: Doctor Who is not mine

How it all began ...

The repairs on the TARDIS weren’t going well, so the Doctor suggested having a break.  “It’ll be like a little holiday,” he said, “It’ll be fun.”

The Master had never shared the Doctor’s enthusiasms and was mortified when he discovered it involved travelling by train with the general public. 

His mood improved when they reached the seaside and a seagull used the Doctor’s head for target practice.  He thought it even funnier when the Doctor went for a paddle and got extremely muddy.   And best of all, they discovered that candy floss was what they needed to repair the TARDIS.

The next day ...

The Doctor woke up and tried to work out where he was.  It certainly felt like the TARDIS but it wasn’t his room and the sheets and the duvet were covered in pink flowers, so were definitely not his.

“What’s going on?” he shouted, and then wished he hadn’t because it made his head hurt.

The Master poked his head around the door.  “Good, you’re awake.  I need you to ....”  He paused as his normally enthusiastic companion continued to lie in the pink rose covered bed.  “Are you okay?”

“My head hurts and my bed resembles a country garden.”

“I couldn’t get into your bedroom last night and these were the only sheets I could find.  Well, these and Thomas the Tank Engine.”

The Doctor felt that waking up next to the Fat Controller would have been even worse than the roses.  “What’s wrong with my room?”

“You used the automatic door lock when trying to fix the TARDIS’ console, remember?”

“No,” the Doctor looked blank.  “Why would I do that?”

“I asked you that at the time.”

“Well, I definitely don’t remember doing that.”

The Master gave the Doctor a strange look, “Just how much do you remember of the last 24 hours?”

“Breakfast, we had pancakes, but after that it’s all rather fuzzy.”

The Master glared at the Doctor and stomped off – after the day he’d been through, all because the Doctor wanted ‘a little holiday’, and now he couldn’t remember a thing.


Ten minutes later, the Doctor came to find the Master, who was struggling to hold a lever down with his foot, whilst filling a hole in the console with a sticky pink substance. 

“Did you want some help?” the Doctor asked.

The Master hadn’t heard him enter and was taken unawares.  His foot slipped off the lever and he sat down with a thud, glaring at the Doctor.

“Why are you wearing my hoodie?”

“My shirt has gained green streaks and a very peculiar smell.  It reminds me of the Porcudykes.”

“There may be a good reason for that.”  The Master started absent-mindedly to eat some of the pink substance that was stuck to his hand.  “What can you tell me about Porcudykes?”

“They are about the size of a football and green.  They hide themselves in large vehicles in order to be transported to new places to lay their spores.  They send out scouts who look for a suitable site and once they find one they transmit a signal to the rest of their colony who join them. ”

“Would a train qualify as a large vehicle?”

“Yes, I suppose it would.  Why do you ask?”

“I think you found one on the train yesterday.”

The Doctor looked sceptical, “So what happened to it?”

What had happened, was that the Doctor had picked up the Porcudyke from the luggage rack, where it was travelling and was looking at it, when the train stopped suddenly.  The Master had lurched into the Doctor and the Porcudyke was squashed between them.

“Er, you lost it again.”

The Doctor looked totally unconvinced.  The Master was clearly trying to wind him up by telling him a ridiculous story that involved being on a train.  He was certain he would remember them going anywhere by train, as the Master detested railway travel and would have moaned throughout the journey. 

“And another thing,” the Doctor looked at his fellow timelord as if daring him to come up with another ridiculous story.  “Why are my trouser legs muddy?”

“Simple,” the Master grinned, “you went paddling.”

It was the Doctor’s turn to stomp off.  The Master resumed the console repairs.


Half an hour later and the Master had finally managed to get sufficient of the sticky pink substance into the TARDIS’ console to permit the always dubious wiring to reconnect.  His hands were now covered in pink stickiness and for some reason it appeared to be on his face as well.

The Doctor reappeared, looking slightly sheepish.  “I found this in my pocket,” he said, holding up a ticket, “It would appear that I was on a train yesterday after all.”  He looked apologetically at the Master.  “What have you got on your face?”

 The Master was trying extremely ineffectively to lick the stuff of his face.

“Here, let me help you.” 

After a couple of minutes the timelords were now both sticky and wearing silly smiles.  The Doctor sucked his thumb.

“Candyfloss, definitely candyfloss.”

The Master nodded.

“So,” the Doctor continued, “You are telling me that we went on a train to get some candyfloss and that I found and lost a Porcudyke.  But why don’t I remember any of this?”

The Master had been thinking about this.  Clearly, if the Doctor didn’t recall any of the events of the previous day, then he didn’t need to give him all the facts.  After the demise of the Porcudyke the train had continued to stop and start for the rest of the journey, by which time the Master’s earlier good humour had completely vanished.  He had whined so much that the Doctor had suggested buying some food and having a picnic in the park on the way back to the TARDIS.  The Master had agreed, which the Doctor really should have realised meant that his companion had an ulterior motive. 

A few days earlier, the Master had perfected a liquid, which when administered to the Doctor in a drink, would force him to obey the Master’s every command.  Even better, the Doctor would be completely aware of what was happening, so the Master would have the double delight of ordering the Doctor around and seeing his futile resistance.  The effects of the liquid would only last for about six hours, but he had made sufficient so that by careful administration, he could have two days of fun at the Doctor’s expense.  It would be important not to give too much at any one time, as an overdose would render the drinker unconscious.

Once in the park, the Master was carefully pouring some of the liquid into the Doctor’s drink, when the Doctor bounced over, intent on showing him the tracks made by a small furry creature.  Startled, he tipped the whole vial into the drink.  Before the Master could stop him the Doctor had picked up his cup and drained it.  The effect was immediate and the Doctor collapsed in a heap.   

“It must have been something you drank!”

smallhobbit: (happy master small)
With thanks to DorsetGirl for the prompt - a very silly drabble

The Doctor had been painstakingly reconstructing the mythical battle of Xrzaqq, using jelly babies as troops (with different colours representing different ranks) and dolly mixtures as barricades.  He’d collected a pile of maltesers to use against the enemy and had just popped out to the library to check the relative heights of the three towers that he was planning to build out of liquorice allsorts.  However, on his return he discovered that there had been a massacre – the Master had bitten the heads off all the jelly babies and was now eating his way through the pile of malteser ammunition.


smallhobbit: (Default)

Title: Village Fair

Word Count: 230

Characters: Doctor/Master
Rating: U
Summary: The Doctor and the Master have an afternoon out

“Look, it’s not really my fault,” the Master began.


The Doctor started to wonder whether coming to a village fair had been such a good idea after all.  It had seemed such a harmless occupation when he first suggested it.


The first seeds of doubt had come when he discovered there was to be a demonstration by a Civil War re-enactment society.  However, that was okay, as the Master had declared their weapons to be “too primitive”.  Although, on glancing at the group the Doctor thought one of the participants looked remarkably familiar.


The Doctor had suggested that they each stroll round on their own for a while and meet back for refreshments.  He had further emphasised that refreshments meant the tea tent and not the stall where if you were lucky you could win a goldfish.


The Doctor had gone to look at the flower arrangements and locally grown vegetables that were on display in the produce tent, leaving the Master to wander around the various stalls.


It was on his return that he was greeted by a rather guilty looking Master.


“You told me to join in with things.  How was I to know this would happen?” the Master asked, clutching the large teddy bear he had won on the tombola.


The Doctor refused the Master’s suggestion that they walk back to the TARDIS each holding a paw.


smallhobbit: (Default)

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