smallhobbit | Friends to Lovers?

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Friends to Lovers?

I was discussing this theme on Twitter with

loz and said I had sufficient thoughts that I would write a blog post. And then promptly didn't - in part because that was the day I then went to see Titus Andronicus, which isn't condusive to such thoughts. But now it's come up again as the Trope for the Day on

ushobwri and

brumeier has asked for our thoughts. So no escape.

It's not a trope I'm that keen on, partly because two of the fandoms I belong to seem desperate to make it happen. Yes, one is Sherlock (principally the BBC version) and also Lewis. If that's the way you like things that's fine, I'm not saying it's wrong at all, just that it doesn't appeal to me. I have come across too many fics where the writer has contrived to bring the two together and suddenly it's wonderful. There are times when remaining as friends would be perfectly acceptable.

So where does that leave me, and my most written pairings? Which isn't to say I don't write other pairings for gift fics or for friends, but here I'm concentrating on my favourites.

My first fandom was Life on Mars - the UK version. And the classic Sam/Gene. They snark, they argue, they get to know each other better, and the relationship begins. Now it may be my age, or my outlook, but I don't see that the relationship has to immediately include sex, but this is more than just friends.

Onto BBC's Sherlock. I don't see Sherlock/John. John/Greg yes - they see each other in a professional context and realise they want to get to know each other better. For me it's fairly quick. I'm currently not writing this pairing. Sherlock/Stanley Hopkins - again a professional interest moves on to something deeper quite quickly - of course, this is Hopkins of the Met River Police, entirely my own creation based on ACD's Hopkins.

ACD Sherlock Holmes - Nothing will ever take Mary Morstan/John Watson away from me. This post-hiatus Holmes/Watson is one of my few real friends to lovers, but as the relationship is described only in the Sussex Retirement 'verse it all happened in the past, so doesn't really count as a trope. Watson reflects on the relationship in the first in the series A Quiet Retirement.

So to Lewis. I liked Laura Hobson/Robbie Lewis, until the series seemed to spoil it for me. In Oxford Tales I have Lewis and Hathaway working together and then moving in together, but there's never any description of how it happens.

Two of my other fandoms are both rare pairs. Adam Carter/Lucas North in Spooks - there's a spark between them from early on, it takes time to catch light because Lucas is mentally scarred, but it's more slow burn than friends to lovers (some might say I'm being pedantic, but they both know what's happening). And Guy/Much in Robin Hood (BBC) - in my world there's an instant attraction, and since I'm the only one who writes it, I can claim it's the only interpretation ;)

So no, as a trope friends to lovers doesn't particularly appeal. Friday's Trope of the Day on

ushobwri is Established Relationships and I shall be sharing my thoughts there ;)

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there's a spark between them from early on, it takes time to catch light because Lucas is mentally scarred, but it's more slow burn than friends to lovers

Hmm, this makes me realise I don't really distinguish between the two. Maybe all my pairings are actually slow burn, rather than friends-to-lovers, idk.

Friday's Trope of the Day on [community profile] ushobwri is Established Relationships and I shall be sharing my thoughts there ;)

I look forward to it! :-)

I suspect we all describe things in slightly different ways. To me, friends to lovers speaks of two people who have just been friends for some time and an event pushes them over the edge. In my Lucas/Adam pairing there's always something there, but Lucas is emotionally unable to respond and Adam refuses to take advantage of it (since that could be termed mental dub-con). They never go through a period of just being friends. And strangely enough, the Fan Flashworks ficlet I'm currently working on is exactly about that.

My two main gripes with Friends to Lovers are in some fics (not all) the obvious wish fulfillment of the author (yes, Sherlock fandom you have a lot to answer for); and the convoluted way these are brought about. Which, to be fair, could be as much the way it's been written as the trope itself.

To me, friends to lovers speaks of two people who have just been friends for some time and an event pushes them over the edge.

Hmm, I'd also apply it when there's been an unrequited spark, whether previously acknowledged or not, that becomes requited -- or maybe that's somewhere in the middle.

Which, to be fair, could be as much the way it's been written as the trope itself.

*nodnod* I can see that. :-)

For some reason I had completely blanked out the unrequited to requited spark - which probably says rather a lot about my enthusiasm for that trope ;)

For me, it's a place to explore themes I'm really interested in. Ideas of understanding and knowing someone, but there being pieces missing. There is also the element of trust -- trust and belief in one another is the thing that will attract me to a pairing. Plus, pining. I really like pining. Someone thinking their love is unrequited, but then it isn't? Be still my beating heart.

It brings in just the right amount of low-key but high stakes conflict that I like to play with. Often, the point *is* "these characters don't have to be anything other than friends"... "but wouldn't it be nice if they were romantic/sexual with each other too." I like rolling around in "but they see me as a friend, and that is GREAT, but I think about kissing them a lot and ow my heart." But then, I'm also very interested in the romantic/sexual relationship messing with the initial friendship - confusing the characters and making them pull apart a bit before they can truly see how they work in this new mode.

Most of the fandoms I have played in have either had pairings that are straight up enemies-to-lovers or friends-to-lovers, and the second is always my favourite under those circumstances, because the majority of writers I've encountered don't write the enemies becoming friends first. They don't develop that understanding. Or that trust. So I find myself squinting at the screen going... why do you even want to be in a relationship when you don't even like each other? Sexual attraction? That's IT?

When that doesn't happen, when you DO get the build-up, it is a beautifully, wholesome thing and I love it madly. But it's tricky to do without subverting some characters, and so therefore, tricky to find.

It's rare to find a media thing in my areas of narrative interest where you actually SEE a relationship develop. (WHICH IS WHY SAM/GENE IS SO PERFECT TO ME BECAUSE THEY ARE THE IDEAL ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS. sorry.) Off the top of my head, Parks and Recreation's Ben and Leslie are one of the pairings where they start off not really as friends but not enemies either, become friends (with Ben pining for Leslie and her largely oblivious), and then very quickly a romantic couple who are also clearly trusting, understanding friends. They are perfection to me.

So, yes, it by far my favourite trope because I like the themes you can explore, because it's almost always a celebration of friendship -- and when done right it doesn't denigrate or discount friendship and treat it like something lesser than romantic relationships - it incorporates them and makes them enhance one another.

and when done right it doesn't denigrate or discount friendship and treat it like something lesser than romantic relationships - it incorporates them and makes them enhance one another.

Ooh, I really like that observation! :-)

That's a really interesting take on the trope. And incidentally probably explains why it doesn't particularly appeal to me. Not that any of your points aren't valid - they are, they just speak of areas which don't appeal to me. And pining is one of the things I don't tend to write.

I agree with you regarding enemies to lovers, it's important to develop an understanding rather than fling them together because of sexual attraction. One of the things which is important to me in a relationship is the equality of the partners - and there's always a danger of one side manipulating the other. (If both sides are busily manipulating then it's fair game.)

I agree with you about Sam/Gene - they are enemies, but it becomes clear they have a shared goal, they're just not taking the same route to achieve it. I suppose in this case I see the move to lovers as happening quite soon after they stop being enemies, but the distinction isn't clear and I don't write enough fanfic in that fandom now for it to impact my writing. The last two I wrote were Gen Sam & Gene.

Your last paragraph makes perfect sense and on one level I would happily go along with it. That Friends to Lovers is not a trope I generally go with is much more a case of 'horses for courses'.

That's interesting and the 'reasoning' transfers well to a number of fandoms. I tend only to write a pairing if the 'sparks' leap off the screen at me. But obviously everyone views shows through their own particular mindset and for some people the sparks might not exist. However, for some shows, there can be more than one possible pairing! For some shows, I don't see anything at all. I didn't get any sparks for the Robbie/Laura pairing in the show - in fact that's possibly why I like the stories where Robbie either comes back early from NZ or never travels. For Spooks, I saw Adam/Zaf and of course the canon Harry/Ruth. Sam/Gene, yes, and the banter is part of the sparks which also applies to Bodie/Doyle of Pros, Steve/Danny of H2O and both MacShep and Mackay/Zelenka in SGA.

Different people liking different pairings is all part of the fun.

Whilst I wrote Robbie/Laura in the past, I prefer Robbie/James. I'm not sure how it happened - maybe Laura's portrayal changed. But I find it difficult splitting Robbie and Laura up and yet leaving both characters in a positive light. Which is why I now prefer to take the AU route of Robbie being friends with Laura and remaining us such, but never having been closer.

How you see a partnership is very much an individual thing. There are definitely some pairings that just come across to me as being inevitably a friend to lover scenario. Perhaps it’s the chemistry of the characters (actors) and the way they are together. But that doesn’t mean that everyone sees them the same way. And there are other times when I have to push my imagination too far to see that outcome.

With Lewis the Robbie/James pairing works for me but the Laura/Robbie one doesn’t at all, possibly because it seemed that the producers pushed it on viewers rather than let it happen naturally and while I could see them as friends the romance didn’t ‘click’. Sherlock/John from the modern TV series doesn’t do it for me as a pairing that goes further than the closeness of friendship, although I can happily read fic that makes it happen if it’s believable.

It’s interesting to see and think about what pairings other readers/writers come up with and the way they view those pairings.

I liked Laura/Robbie before it was canon - I could see the possibilities - but then as you say it was pushed onto us, rather like poor fanfic, and it no longer worked. I suspect in part because there was a fixed idea of what an older couple should look like - all respectable and such - I have so failed at that ;)

And like you, I don't see John and Sherlock as a pairing, but will happily write them as friends. Being believable is the key in so many cases.

I found this really interesting to read, especially your last response. Like you, I kind of liked the theory of Laura/Robbie before it became canon but it was then so badly written that it just made me cringe. Besides, Lewis/Hathaway ticks every box for me.

And you know my thoughts on Lucas/Adam ;)

I think Laura/Robbie could have worked if it hadn't gone down the 'traditional older couple' route. As it was, I'll stick with Lewis/Hathaway.

Oh yes, OT3: Lucas/Adam/Cake!

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