smallhobbit | Meme Answers (Part 2)

mafief asked a complex series of questions, which I felt deserved a response to itself. This ficlet is therefore dedicated to

mafief especially as life is hard at the moment.

The questions were:
The “prime” camping trip.
Bilbo Baggins (The Hobbit), Sister Evangelina (Call the Midwife), Harry Potter, Sister Julienne (Call the Midwife), and Severus Snape (Harry Potter) go on a camping trip. Here are 7 questions about the trip. (mafief)
- Who does all the packing that probably shouldn’t have?
- Who forgets most of what they should have packed?
- Who would be in charge of the bug spray and bring along several options including some hippy stuff they found at a boutique?
- Who would tell the best campfire stories?
- Does Sister Julienne constantly interrupt the stories to input their opinion?
- Who can’t figure out how to toast a marshmallow and burns it often enough that another (who?) takes pity on that person and toasts them a perfect marshmallow each time?
- Who never leaves the tent?

The Prime Camping Trip (also on AO3)

No-one knew why Bilbo Baggins, Sister Evangelina, Sister Julienne, Harry Potter and Severus Snape went on a camping trip together. In fact, it was probably better no-one did ask. Anyway, for better or worse it happened.

The two nuns did most of the packing, but being nuns they only brought the essentials. Bilbo was used to camping, and packed a few luxuries, but was aware of the need to travel light. Harry had packed quite a lot in his bag, on the assumption that he could use magic and have many items in one small bag. Unfortunately something went wrong, and although size-wise the bag was small the weight remained that of the actual contents, which made it too heavy to carry. Severus had been working on the basis something would come up, the trip would be cancelled and he had packed very little. He had yet to learn the nuns did not let a minor setback put them off.

Sister Julienne had brought insect repellent and standard treatments for insect bites. These worked perfectly on their first night away, but the second night saw the arrival of a few particularly vicious species. Severus wasn’t very sympathetic when Harry complained about the bites (it was, after all, his fault Severus was there) but he rather liked Bilbo and the two nuns, so he made up a suitable potion which worked surprisingly well. Sister Evangelina did give Severus rather a questioning look when she realised how effective the potion was, but she wasn’t going to say anything since the bite no longer itched.

In the evenings Severus retired to his tent, leaving the other four to sit round the fire telling camp fire stories. Bilbo told thrilling stories of all his adventures, which had the others laughing as he described the antics of the dwarves. Sister Evangelina was also a good story teller, although Sister Julienne was forced to interrupt at times to clarify or correct some of her more outrageous tales.

As they told their stories they toasted marshmallows. Somehow Harry didn’t seem to have acquired the knack, because his marshmallows either burnt at the end, or fell off into the fire. Bilbo took pity on him and toasted marshmallows for both of them. He reassured Harry by saying he’d had to do the same for Fili and Kili.

After three days they returned to their respective homes. Sister Julienne and Sister Evangelina had enjoyed their break and were ready to return to their role as midwives. Bilbo had had a good time and promised to take Thorin to visit them next time he saw him. Harry realised he still had a lot to learn about camping. And Severus, he had accepted an invitation from Bilbo to call round for tea one day, and had made sure the nuns knew they were welcome to contact him should they be in need of particular ointments in future.