Easter Bunnies

[smallhobbit]

Fandom: Sherlock bbc
Rating: PG
Characters:  Sherlock, John, Lestrade, Sally, Anderson
Word Count: 1,920
Note: I'd blame thirdbird_fic for this when she said that everyone should have John and Lestrade bunnies for Easter, but I don't think she can be held responsible for the contents of my brain.

Sherlock had been convinced that The Great Mysterioso was central to the case, which was why he, John and Lestrade were standing in the wings of the small theatre watching the conjurer performing his tricks for the entertainment of an audience that appeared to be composed mainly of Brownies.  Sally Donovan was standing a little further back, with Anderson.  No-one was quite sure why Anderson had come, although he would prove to be useful later when Sherlock turned out to be totally incompetent.

“Right, we do nothing until after the curtains are closed, I don’t want to upset the little girls by arresting Mysterioso in front of their eyes.  Is that understood?” Lestrade whispered, glaring specifically at Sherlock.

Sally privately thought that the girls would probably enjoy the sight of the magician being handcuffed; the rest of his act had been almost criminally poor.

At that moment the magician picked up his wand and said “And now for my last trick, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.  Get ready to say the magic word.”

He waved his wand; all the Brownies dutifully chorused “Abracadabra” and instantly there was a white rabbit in the man’s top hat.

Also, in place of a detective inspector and an ex-army doctor were two piles of clothes and two extremely confused looking rabbits.

Quickly, Sally grabbed the larger grey rabbit, whilst instructing Sherlock to catch the smaller brown one.  Unfortunately catching rabbits was not something Sherlock was very accomplished at and the rabbit successfully evaded his attempts to pick it up.  In the confusion The Great Mysterioso conveniently vanished, along with the white rabbit.

Sally rapidly realised that Sherlock was never going to catch the loose rabbit, so she passed the one she was holding to Anderson to come to his assistance.

“Rabbits can’t talk, can they?” asked Anderson.

“Don’t be stupid,” sighed Sally.

“’Cos I’m sure this one just said ‘For fuck’s sake’”.

“Just stroke its ears, it’ll help to keep it calm.”

Anderson decided not to mention the rabbit’s next comment, which was ‘You touch my ears and I’ll kick you in the goollies’.

“This can’t be happening,” Sherlock said.

“Well, genius, apply your own logic.  We have a mound of clothing and two rabbits that weren’t here before.  I think we’d have heard by now if either John or the Boss were wandering around with no clothes on.  Therefore, we have to conclude that they have become rabbits.”  Sally said, as she and Anderson turned to leave the stage bearing their two furry burdens.  “Bring the clothing with you, hopefully they will be needing it again sometime.”

Once outside they flagged down a cab, but the driver took one look at them and said, “You’re not coming in ‘ere with them rabbits running loose about my cab.  You’ll have to put them in a box or summit.”

Sally turned to Sherlock.  “Go and get a box for them!”

“Why can’t you go?”

“I can, but you’ll have to hold a rabbit.”

Sherlock glared at her and went in search of a suitable box.

Once he had returned with a large box and they had put the two rabbits in it they hailed another cab to take them to Baker Street.  Upon arrival Sally told Sherlock and Anderson to carry the box up to the flat whilst she went to buy food and other rabbit essentials.  She soon returned with two carrier bags full of food, bedding and bowls.

“We may need to separate the rabbits tonight.  They’re both males and we don’t want them to fight,” she said.

“Um,” said Anderson, taking a photo with his phone.  “I’m not sure that that will be necessary.”

The others looked into the box to see the brown rabbit furiously humping the grey one.

“Right,” said Sally.  “At least that will make things easier.  You’ve got everything you’ll need, so we’ll leave you for now, but will be back tomorrow morning.”

She took a further look in the box to check on the rabbits and saw that now the grey rabbit was humping the brown one.  She too took a photo for prosperity.

*****

The following morning Sherlock checked on the two rabbits and gave them their breakfast, following Sally’s instructions, and then let them hop around the flat whilst he went down to collect the post.  Ten minutes later he heard Mrs Hudson shouting for him.

“Sherlock, Sherlock, get down here at once.”

He hurried down to her flat.

“What are they doing here?” she said, pointing at the two rabbits busy humping on her settee.

“Er, yes well.”

The doorbell rang.  Mrs Hudson went to answer it, calling out as she did, “Just catch them and take them away!”

She let Sally and Anderson in and they followed her back to her flat.  There, they saw the grey rabbit under the dining table, whilst Sherlock was chasing the brown rabbit round the kitchen.  Mrs Hudson picked up her broom.

“It’s okay, Mrs Hudson, we’ll take care of them,” said Sally.

Anderson bent down and picked up the grey rabbit.  He absent-mindedly went to stroke its ears.

‘What did I tell you about stroking my bloody ears?’

As the three of them went back up the stairs to 221B, Anderson said, “The rabbit is definitely talking to me.”

“Clearly it’s found someone at its intellectual level,” replied Sherlock.

The rabbit’s nose visibly twitched.

“What did it say then?” laughed Sally.

“For a rabbit it knows a surprising number of swear words,” Anderson answered.

Once back in the flat they let the rabbits hop around again, making sure that the front door was firmly shut.  Sherlock was just considering doing the unthinkable and phoning Mycroft when there was a knock on the door.  He opened it carefully and two men slipped inside.

“Good morning,” said the first man.  “I’m the White Rabbit.  And this,” he indicated his companion, “is the Mad Hatter.”

Sherlock looked carefully at the Mad Hatter.  “I believe you perform under the name of The Great Mysterioso.”

“I do indeed.”

“What are you doing here?”

“We think you may have a problem,” said the White Rabbit.  “And we brought you this.”

This, was John’s jumper, which the White Rabbit put on the sofa.  The brown rabbit instantly hopped on the sofa and settled down on the jumper, followed shortly afterwards by the grey rabbit.

“Oh,” said the Mad Hatter, “there are two of them.  That’s most unusual.”

“Unusual or not,” Sally joined in, “can you do anything about it?”

“Oh yes,” replied both the White Rabbit and the Mad Hatter. 

“A quick wave of this,” the Mad Hatter produced his wand, “and they’ll be back as they were.”

There was a small squeak from the grey rabbit.

“I don’t think it likes the idea of being naked in company,” interpreted Anderson.

They all looked at the grey rabbit, whose ears seemed to have gone a rather fetching pale pink.

“I didn’t know rabbits could blush,” said Sally.

“That’s not a problem,” said the Mad Hatter.  “It will work so long as they are fairly close.  The White Rabbit normally changes in the bathroom.”

With that the brown rabbit hopped up the stairs to John’s bedroom.  No-one was the least bit surprised when the grey rabbit followed it.

The Mad Hatter waved his wand and muttered something.  Everyone sat and waited for John and Lestrade to re-appear.

After a few minutes, Sherlock could contain himself no longer and went up to John’s bedroom to ensure that the transformation had indeed happened.

He pushed open the door and stopped.  Then he said, “Well, really.  At least you had an excuse when you were rabbits!”  He slammed the door and stomped back down the stairs.